so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
