my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
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