Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
