I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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