halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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