thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
she peed on how many people?
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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