i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
