when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I think a kid would responsible me up
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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