I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
