omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
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