he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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