i just sold back the books i vomitted on
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Randomize
