how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I don't think brook has ever known best
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
