Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
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