So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Randomize
