So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Sober January is a disaster.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
