I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
