apparently the secret to your success is patron
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
