dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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