Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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