Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
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