Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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