I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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