I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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