Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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