She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
