I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
