Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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