I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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