Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
