If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Randomize
