So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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