I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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