Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
