What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
