the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
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