There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
