So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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