By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
