a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
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