I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Randomize
