I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
