anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
