I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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