im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
