Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Dear god my vagina.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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