i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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