my mouth tastes like poor choices
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
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