i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
