and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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