I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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